These are the three “ask” questions:

Does he make you feel safe?

Does he make you feel seen?

And does he make you feel excited?

First Ask: Does He Make You Feel Safe?

Feeling safe doesn’t mean he could fend off a pack of wolves, though that might be impressive. For instance, consider a person whose partner might not win a wrestling match with a wolf. What it really means is: Do they make you feel emotionally and spiritually safe? Can you confide in them all those thoughts you used to write in your secret diary? For those born after 2000, think of it as sharing your deepest thoughts on a private Instagram account. You can’t have a healthy long-term relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe enough to reveal your deepest secrets that only your journal or your anonymous Reddit account knows.

Second Ask: Does He Make You Feel Seen?

This isn’t about whether he thinks you’re attractive in the conventional sense. It’s about whether he sees you for who you really are. Maybe you’re a high-powered executive by day, but your true passion lies in painting abstract art. Yes, abstract art is a thing, and it’s amazing! You can’t have a healthy long-term relationship with someone who doesn’t see you for the unique, wonderful person you are. Even if you both have to tighten your belts financially for a while, he should support your passion for painting those abstract masterpieces.

Third Ask: Does He Make You Feel Excited?

This should go without saying, but if the person you’re dating doesn’t make you want to dance around in your living room while singing your favourite songs, then do yourself and him a favour by finding someone who does. You need someone who makes you feel alive and excited about life.

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When you’re doing all the right things but still not meeting the right person, it can be frustrating. So many clients have asked, “What if I put myself out there, work on being the best version of myself, and still can’t find the right person? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?”

First off, if you’re working on healing your own trauma, supporting yourself with a fulfilling career, and are emotionally mature enough to question whether you could be doing more, you’re ahead of a lot of people. Here’s a personal story: A woman lived in Toronto for eight years and 200 days before meeting her fiancé. During that time, she watched several friends settle down and enter long-term relationships, while she couldn’t find a man who simply liked her back. It took eight years and 200 days. If she had given up at eight years and 199 days, she wouldn’t have met him.

Did she know at eight years and 199 days that she was going to meet her husband the next day? No. In fact, she almost canceled their first date because she had just spent ten straight hours on work calls and needed some quiet time. But she went. You can’t win the game if you’re not playing it. So the answer is this: If you know in your heart of hearts that you are being the best version of yourself and are open to love, just keep going.

Mary Carney was 71 when she decided to transform her health and lost 62 pounds. Diane Naylor lost 225 pounds at the age of 63. Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first “Little House” book at 65. Colonel Sanders was 62 when he franchised KFC. How old are you? Your best days are ahead of you, not behind you. And if you think you’re too old to find love, think again.

When you feel like you’re destined to be alone in this big universe, remember that there’s someone out there who’s just as frustrated with the dating game, wondering when they’ll meet you.

Let me end with a quote from Albert Einstein: “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

#no cap

You know this when it comes to your professional life, so why not apply it to your personal life? Just keep going, honey.

Love

your internet solo hype squad xo